Today is the last day before Hezekiah turns one year old. I just laid him down for bed, after reading his three favorite books (Where’s Spot, Goodnight Moon and Who Goes Roar?). He laid down without a peep because he’s such a little angel baby, and now I’m sitting on my couch eating chocolate chip ice cream listening to “You’ll be in my Heart” from Tarzan because isn’t that what all moms do when their baby turns one?

On a more serious note, what a year it has been. 365 days ago (maybe even to the hour), Nathan and I headed into the hospital to meet our little baby boy. After 10 hours of induction-fun (is that a phrase? I’m making it one), I got to finally lay eyes on the little baby who I had been praying about meeting the last 40 weeks. He was covered in meconium, and my husband was basically passed out next to me in a chair—so it wasn’t quite as magical as I imagined it, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

And now, one year later, we’re preparing to make your second trip across the world (we’re moving back to the states if ya didn’t hear). We spend our days laughing as you wobble across our living room and fall into our laps. We love to watch you play with your toys and read books to yourself. You are such a gift, my sweet Hezzy boy, and I love you more than you could ever know.

Hezekiah Blake—you have taught me more in twelve months than I could’ve ever imagined.

Your first month you taught me to trust in God for everything. You taught me to give myself grace when I didn’t think I could do it, and you taught me that each morning was full of new mercies. You taught me that it’s okay to have absolutely no idea what I’m doing and that no matter what, I was your mama and that would never ever change.

Your second month you taught me to do the big scary things. You taught me that traveling is fun, and that babies are incredibly adaptable things. And even though it might have taken me a couple of months to realize it, you taught me to take things slow. You taught me to savor every single moment while you are young and squishy.

Your third and fourth months you taught me just how much joy a little baby smile can bring. I quickly made it my goal to hear your sweet laugh at least once a day and I hope that never ever changes. Even when you’re a big, angsty teenager.

Your fifth and sixth months you taught me how quickly you learn. You began to sit, and actually play with your toys. You taught me that no matter how much I tried to be a good mom, all I needed to do is love you and that that was enough.

Months seven and eight were full of seeing your personality shine through. You began to get a little spunky and I realized that being a mother does not just mean it’s all fun and games (your favorite thing to do was to scream as loud and as high as you could—especially at restaurants). One night, I specifically remember feeling as though I had failed you. I remember rocking you in your rocking chair and feeling like I should be doing so much more, wishing I was more present, more joyful. I sat rocking you, and just cried as I just realized that it was no mistake that God made me your mama. That you belonged with me, and that just like any human, I have so many shortcomings—but you are my baby and I am your mama and that is enough.

Month nine and ten—the days got quicker, and you learned so much. You began to recognize me and what a sweet feeling it is to have your chubby little arms reach up for me to hold you. You began to love being read to which was so sweet for this librarian’s daughter. You laughed every time we read Where’s Spot to you, and you began to flip through books by yourself. You still sometimes crawl to your room to be by yourself and “read” books all alone.

Months eleven and twelve flew by the quickest. Big family changes were made, and I began to realize that it’s no longer just Nathan and I that we’re making decisions for, but it’s merged to what is best for our family, what is best for our growth and how can we love our family the best way possible. You began to walk, and your personality really began to shine. You’re shy, but you’re also goofy and you seriously are the sweetest little boy I’ve ever seen (maybe I’m a little biased).

This last year has been challenging. It has been hard, full of tears, and full of big lies telling me I can’t do it. This year has also been joyful—full of baby laughs, big steps and watching a human turn from this little nugget who weighs 8 pounds 2 ounces to a crazy baby who is loud and gets into everything. This year has taught me that motherhood is a gift, and that the sweet Lord gives us everything we need. This year taught me that just as the Lord pours out grace to us as we stumble and fall, we need to give ourselves grace—we are not perfect!

Hezekiah Blake—I praise God for you. You are such a gift and you bring your mama and your dad so much joy. You are created to bring God glory, and we pray that you would find your identity and your strength in your creator. We pray you would be kind, gentle and loving. We pray you lead in strength and humility. We pray you would know God from an early age and that you would find abundant life in Him. Hezekiah Blake—God has big things planned for your life and I cannot wait to watch them unfold.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

-Ephesians 2:10